Catching my breath

This semester is coming to an end in the next week and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But there is only one way to describe this feeling.

I ran cross country in high school. And I’ll never forget the feeling of coming down the final straightaway. Not in my best races, but the worst. The ones with where I just didn’t have it, couldn’t overcome the cramps, couldn’t hang with the right pack. And as I come down the final straightaway, legs about to give out, I only feel relief because it’s almost over. After crossing the finish line, hands go down to my knees. And I would just breathe. It was over.

This semester has flown by. Move-in and classes starting feel like only weeks ago. But it’s hard to explain. At the same time, this semester felt incredibly slow. I had to take everything one step at a time. Every day by itself. In the moment, time crawled by.

This semester wasn’t pretty by any means. I’m not incredibly proud of my grades, I struggled to find my stride socially, and even now I don’t have everything figured out. But as many hitches as their were, I know there were some big positives to look back on.

1. I really challenged myself socially. Most of my friendships just happened in the past, very easy and naturally. And as nice as those friendships are, you miss out on a lot of potential friends if you’re not willing to put yourself out their a little bit. This is especially tough as an introvert, but I thought I would find happiness in meeting new people and I was right. I learned to ask people for their number, and to offer to grab food. These might not sound special, but for someone who has always lived in my own bubble, it was definitely out of my comfort zone. But many of these people I have become closer with and feel comfortable spending time with, and I look forward to getting to know all of them more in the future.
2. Under bad circumstances, I held it together in all of my classes. This is where it really gets ugly. Some days, I had an incredibly hard time focusing. Any time I would sit down to work, something would hit and my mind would start racing. And unfortunately it could come on days before big tests or projects and my grades suffered some because of it. I also just wasn’t able to make myself grind late hours. Fatigue would set in quickly, and I felt like sleep was better for my mental health then slaving away. I had trouble handling the stress of a rigorous semester, and having weeks with multiple tests and projects was too overwhelming for me. The worst week, I had 3 major tests, a circuits lab, and a computer project. By the end of the week, I was so gassed and I failed the project. That took a lot of time to swallow. But I also had enough good moments, enough positives to make it through all my classes. As long as finals go as expected, I’ll have gotten a C or better in all of my classes. Although I know I could have done better in some parts, I know I had a lot more on my plate outside of class.
3. I am so, so thankful for my friends. I’m not even going to try listing them, but so many were there for me in the hardest times of this past semester. My happiest moments were surrounded by them, and I know I have a lot of people I can count on.
4. My faith grew a lot. This started over the summer but I really didn’t know where things would go when I got back to school. I had a few very productive conversations with Father David, the priest here at Virginia Tech. He pushed me in the right direction to continue to grow. My bible study also played a huge role in this growth. I was definitely closed off to this group last year, but with some nudging from Colin, I, along with everyone else, has been able to open up. Sharing the faith with a great group of guys is a real blessing.
5. I learned a hell of a lot about myself. I’ve been able to reflect on some of the things I really want to do with my life, like travel and design clothing. I’ve been able to get away from social media and the anxiety that it would cause. I know I want to pursue a career and lifestyle way bigger than just an electrical engineer. I’ve been able to pursue moments and memories over grades and likes, and that’s a lifestyle change that I needed.