sometimes you just get beat
This past semester was an absolute roller coaster. Big ups, big downs, and not a lot of time to just step back and breathe. After a couple of days away from home and on my own, I’ve had a little time to reflect on my never-ending Fall semester.
A month into my semester, I took a circuits test. I’d been paying attention in class and struggling through homeworks, which in the past resulted in decent grades. I took the test, and walked out mortified. I knew it was bad. For the next couple weeks, I was left to wonder just how bad.
22. I got a 22.
And yes. Out of 100.
This came as a bit of a shock to the system. I’ve struggled on tests before. Even failed one the semester before. But I’d never gotten my ass kicked quite like that circuits test.
For some context, the class average was around a 50. And the grades were uncurved, and the professor would give no concrete number for how big the curve would be. Either way, my future in the class wasn’t looking promising.
In the days that followed, it became time to request courses for the spring semester. Like each semester before, I pulled up the recommended schedule for Electrical Engineering and found some classes. And that’s when it hit me. At 11:30 p.m. in New Classroom Building. I don’t want to be an electrical engineer. I don’t want to design circuits for the rest of my life. I couldn’t take another damn circuits class. I didn’t want to finish out the one I was currently in. I would take a few days to mull it over, but my mind was already settled. I would switch to computer engineering.
Soon I was filling out forms, telling my parents and friends, withdrawing from that circuits class. It was hard. Ever since middle school, I thought I would follow in my dad’s footsteps. To finally realize that path wouldn’t make me happy was a harsh reality. I was happy to finally make the change towards something I do enjoy more. Computer and electrical engineering are similar, with computer being more hardware/coding-focused to dumb it down. I still have a shot to graduate in 4 years.
With a lighter schedule for the remainder of the semester, I felt pretty optimistic. Yet it still wasn’t smooth: I struggled on some coding projects and systems tests. Finals week came, and I found myself need decent scores just to make sure I passed the classes. My worst odds were in Continuous and Discrete Systems, where I had a 54 in the class going into the final. I needed around an 80 to pass. For the first time in what felt like months, I focused for the week. Just sat down and grinded, from one test to the other.
Finals went about as well as they could’ve and I’m proud of that. I passed everything, as stressful as it was, and can happily say that semester is in the past. But I know I can’t have another like it.
I struggled to maintain friendships, and that sucked. Stress from classes pulled me away from the people I enjoy the most in my life. I struggled to be productive for my off-campus job, as well in my leadership positions for two clubs. I’ve prided myself off of being someone responsible, who can get shit done.
2019 had lots of great moments that I’m truly thankful for. I’m excited for 2020 and a new semester. I’ve set a goal of making Dean’s List, ambitious but not impossible!
